As Bible study became book study this quarter, I am once again challenged to find my identity in my calling and the hopes/desires that I have for my life. I was reminded of the importance to set standards and goals for myself so that I may know what I am working for. While the war within is always something to be overcome; I can still find myself within my heart, and the desires that the Lord has placed in it. I hope to actively strive towards them as I make them my personal mission.
I hope to be a great mother someday. A mother as mine was, one that pours out her entire being and heart for the well being of others. I want to be a good sister, a good daughter, and a good friend. I want to be the friend that I needed. I want to make everyone around me feel important. I want to love those around me radically, even when they do not love me. I want to forgive. I want to give without the thought of loss. I want to make my life a response to the love that I have been given while I was still unworthy. I want to continue to grow and learn to rise after every fall as Jesus did. I want to break from mindless routine and fill what I do with love and purpose. I want to trust God enough to be willing to pick up and leave if He would ever call me to. I want to lose myself on the cross so that I can always find myself in His Grace. I want to remember to always give the glory to the one who is truly worthy of it. I want to find my worth not in what I accomplish but in who I am and who I was created to be. I want to believe that I am enough, and I want to make everyone around me believe that they are as well. I want to have a heart like Mary.
I want to love my sisters in Christ totally. I want to remind them that they are beautiful and they are priceless. When I see them and their gifts, I want to praise God for who they are and what they bring to this broken world – not think of what I lack. I want to embrace myself as a woman. I want to act and dress in a way that reflects who I am and who I want to be. I want to continue to choose beauty, not the appeal that the world tells me I need. I want to remind the men in my life that they are capable of and called to virtue, that they are more than what the world makes them out to be, that they are good. I want to be a good sister in Christ to them as much as I try to be to my ladies. I want to always desire more than I have for those around me.
I want to see my life through the lens of my eternity. I want my weaknesses to remind me that I rely not on myself, but God. Therefore, I want to give myself and all my brokenness to Christ now – not wait until I think I’m ready. I want to trust in God’s mercy; but never use it as an excuse to remain a sinner. I want to commit myself to a life of virtue, where I am striving every day to grow in humility, charity, patience, hope, faith, chastity, excellence, justice, prudence, and temperance. I want to remember that my moments of frustration are opportunities for sanctity.
I want to see the pricelessness of each soul of those around me. I want to defend life with everything I have. When I fear sharing, I want to remember that the people around me are dying. I want to be the example that others have been for me. I want to live my life with the joy of Christ.
I want to awaken the Church. I want to challenge those around me to be the men and women of faith that they are called to be. I want to move past the 7%. I want to give both my sorrows and joys to Christ. I want to give my life, time, and talents back to the one that gave me them in the first place. I want to learn to say no, so that I can say yes more.
I want to be a good disciple and discipler. I want my disciples to feel confident in who they are, the greatness they are called to, and the one who loves them. I want to share laughs with them as well as tears. I want them to be my best friends. I want to challenge them to grow into the women of God that they were made to be.
I want to be a good teacher, through my life as much as I am in the classroom. I want to arm my students with the knowledge that will carry them throughout their life. I want to teach them to truly understand and believe in the power of the Eucharist and the God that waits in the tabernacles around the world. I want them to know that they have a friend and a Father in our Lord. I want them to know that they are in a war so that they may be vigilant. I also want them to be confident in the one that will fight for them. I want them to understand Church teaching as something that is meant to set them free and not limit them. I want to remain humble enough to let them know what I do not know, and to ask someone who does. I want my students to understand that a strong prayer life is at the root of our relationship with God. I want them to know that Catholicism is not a checklist, but a constant relationship. I want them to understand the beauty of the mass, and the way that it fills our lives and keeps us moving forward. I want them to move past “God is watching, don’t be bad” to “God is watching, I want to make Him proud.” I want them to understand the richness that lies in a 2000 year tradition and the community that is the Catholic Church. I want them to believe in themselves and their goodness. I want them to reach the heights. I want them to know that while we as followers of Christ are flawed, our Mother Church is not. I want to be there for them when they need it.
I want to destroy the culture of relativism as I live to chase the truth.
I want to remember to care for myself as I care for others. I want to be free of the world and the materialistic desires that follow me. I want to learn to settle down and appreciate silence. I want give myself the time to hear God’s voice. I want to allow myself to be covered in the blood and water that poured out from His side.
I want to search for truth, beauty, and goodness everywhere I go. I want to use everything I have so that I may come before the Lord with empty hands and a full heart. I want to be welcomed into heaven as a good and faithful servant, and I want to bring as many people with me as I can.
I want to be a Saint. I was made to be a Saint.
Try it: create a clear vision of what you want, then live for it.