I just got done watching Infinity war. Let’s just start with woof. I can’t say I know much about any of this stuff, but I can most definitely enjoy it, sit through the credits for the preview, or be absurdly angry at the ending.
What anyone can do, however, is listen to conversations as people squeeze into the tiny hallways to exit the theatre. And this is where the 2am night began – when the human behind me said something that kept my wheels turning full gear after this movie.
So here I am, trying to express what just went on in my mind throughout the entire movie while remaining angry about the end of this movie (they might not always be as dynamic, but ya girl usually likes the happy endings). – There are totally spoilers in here so if you’re going to revolt if you read any, I’d hold off.
Continue reading “The Infinity War”
To my “nasty” women,
Let me start off by saying that you are absolutely beautiful, wonderful, strong, and brave.
Oh, sweet women, this week, I see the despair in your hearts. I see the division among you, I see it as I am cut off for my stances, I see it as we cut each other off for other differing positions – and it breaks my own heart. I could spend forever telling you about the wholeness and the goodness that I find in the positions I so love and champion, the beauty in my own march; But sisters, something even more fundamental tugs at my attention when I see the happenings of this week – and it continues to eat at me.
Continue reading “A letter to my women”
When I was a child, my parents and my uncle taught me to do just about everything on my own. If I wanted McDonalds, they gave me an assortment of bills and coins, then sent me off to the register. I had to count out the correct amount of change to hand the cashier, and when I made a mistake, I was told to pay better attention.
If I wanted to buy a toy, I was told to figure out how much the cost of the toy would be with taxes, then to save my money. I was taught to clean, make a few simple meals that I liked, etc. And soon, as I continued to learn and grow, came:
“I do what I want.”
Continue reading “On My Own Will”
WHAT. A. BABE.
As I read my devotion during holy hour yesterday, I was greatly struck by the great faith of Mary Magdalene. (Can we just take a moment to see how epic all the Mary’s are…take it in). Not only did she have great faith, but she did not hold a thing back from our Lord.
He found her, and picked her up at her lowest and weakest moment and from then on, she continued to give Him everything. How many times has the Lord picked me out of my ruts…and yet, how often do I still hide from Him? Continue reading “On Mary Magdalene”
As I begin my work towards being a FOCUS missionary, I am wildly excited, and yet, I am terribly afraid. I am afraid of taking a path that I never pictured for my life, a path that has never been in my plans, but slowly and ever so gently snuck it’s way into my heart.
But, it still scares me today. I do not have it all figured out, and I sometimes don’t know how it is going to work out. Continue reading “A desire that did not always reflect my own”
Let’s exalt authentic love.
Today, we’re all about the stigma. Destigmatize this, destigmatize that. Usually not without reason, of course. But when do we draw the line between destigmatizing a good, and destigmatizing something that hurts us – seeking to destigmatize vices? Where do we draw the line between the things that are necessary, and things that are just convenient or for our pleasure? The things that maybe – just maybe – make our lives a little easier or fun, but slowly eat away at our hearts?
Today, and quite often recently, I have encountered the idea of destigmatizing porn.
Continue reading “Exalting Love”
Yesterday (a month ago..way longer now, it’s taken me quite a while to get my hands back on this thing), I declared candidacy for graduation in Spring 2016. WHUT. As I did so, I began to think about my college career, all the wonderful things that I have found at UCSB, the people that i’ve met who have filled my years. The friendships I have made at UCSB are something I never thought I would have, but they are my greatest treasure and I am so grateful for them every day.
Continue reading “The Greatest Friends I’ve Ever Had”
You are Rory Gilmore, your one year anniversary with Dean Forester (way better than Jess btw) is coming up. Dean tells you that he is building you your very own car for your anniversary, then – he tells you he loves you. You? You freak out. You say that this is a big step, you don’t know if you’re ready for that, you need time. You don’t say it back. He breaks up with you.
One of the moments most harped upon in a relationship in ‘real life’ or any TV show is this moment, right? The I love you, you idiot – and the I love you, too; Or the lack of. It’s great, right? The drama that ensues when the other doesn’t say it back, the silent sting. It’s probably got to be it’s own sort of scenic trope.
Continue reading “I Love You, Too.”
“When I was in second grade, my friend and I stayed inside one recess, and saw a bunch of 8th graders making something with our teacher. We went inquiring and found out they were making corsages. So they taught us how to make them, and then every month, we’d deliver them by hand to our local convalescent home to the residents who had birthdays that month and sing them happy birthday. My friend and I continued this tradition every year, every month (even during summer) up until we graduated 8th grade. And it was super sweet and kinda sad (bc old peoples homes and sometimes you were their first visitor in forever). So there was this one patient, Leigh Baker, who was our favorite.
Every time we would go to deliver corsages, even if it wasn’t during her birthday month, we’d stop by and say hi. Leigh liked to paint. Every time we were there, she’d give us one of her paintings. Not that they were like OMG THESE ARE AMAZING but like they’re simple and you get really attached (I’ll send a pic of one). And one summer, for her birthday month, we painted her this big mural on some paper and hung it in the hall outside her room. When we first met Leigh, she already had a hard time speaking, but by the time we were in 8th grade, she was essentially mute. But still, she’d give us one of her paintings.
Continue reading “Beauty in Pain”
As Bible study became book study this quarter, I am once again challenged to find my identity in my calling and the hopes/desires that I have for my life. I was reminded of the importance to set standards and goals for myself so that I may know what I am working for. While the war within is always something to be overcome; I can still find myself within my heart, and the desires that the Lord has placed in it. I hope to actively strive towards them as I make them my personal mission.
I hope to be a great mother someday. A mother as mine was, one that pours out her entire being and heart for the well being of others. I want to be a good sister, a good daughter, and a good friend. I want to be the friend that I needed. I want to make everyone around me feel important. I want to love those around me radically, even when they do not love me. I want to forgive. I want to give without the thought of loss. I want to make my life a response to the love that I have been given while I was still unworthy. I want to continue to grow and learn to rise after every fall as Jesus did. I want to break from mindless routine and fill what I do with love and purpose. I want to trust God enough to be willing to pick up and leave if He would ever call me to. I want to lose myself on the cross so that I can always find myself in His Grace. I want to remember to always give the glory to the one who is truly worthy of it. I want to find my worth not in what I accomplish but in who I am and who I was created to be. I want to believe that I am enough, and I want to make everyone around me believe that they are as well. I want to have a heart like Mary.
Continue reading “What are you striving for?”